My knowledge
by Photo Philter
Summary: JD/Cox Friendship. After the death of his patient, JD thinks about what he thinks he knows, and learns something new.


A/N: Non beta'ed. I'll probably go through later and clean it up more, but I just needed to get it out. Let me know if it seems OOC at all.

Possible slash if you squint. But mostly friendship.

Disclaimer: Same song, different story: I don't own them.

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He thought that, as a doctor, death would affect him less as time went on. It hadn't with his dad's death, but he assumed it was something that took longer than four years to develop. After all, it took years to hone the medical techniques he used on a day-to-day basis—why wouldn't this be any different?

So why was the death of his most recent patient hitting him so hard? It wasn't his fault—he hadn't missed anything, hadn't misdiagnosed, hadn't prescribed the wrong medicine or the wrong dosage…it was just her time. Like when he was an intern and Mrs. Tanner died.

And this one hurt just as much, six years later.

He knew Perry would give him the same lecture about getting to close to his patients that he had heard before. He knew Elliot would try in her own, misguided way to cheer him up, but she would ultimately leave him confused and possible feeling worse. He knew Turk would _try _to understand, but it was different for surgeons and they both knew it. He knew Carla would slip into mothering mode, just like she always did—call him Bambi and remind him "it was just her time" and "you did your best" among the various other things mothers always said. He knew Kelso would just look at him and keep walking.

He just knew.

So when Perry appeared in the door of the on-call room JD had curled up in, JD knew what Perry was going to say:" _Listen Gwyn, I told you __not__ to get too attached to your patients over and over again, but you refused to listen to me. I know your brain is full of possible outfit combinations and what you think are witty comebacks to attract the boys, but I thought __this one lesson__ would have sunk in after I've said it __over a hundred times__. I think by this point, even Nervous Guy could grasp this concept. And Newbie, it was her time. She was old and her body was going into complete organ failure when she was admitted, which you knew, so I don't know why you still tried to get close. So Kate, time to dry your eyes, reapply that eyeliner you so painstakingly put on each morning, and go try to be a doctor to your patients, __no__t their friend. Got it?"_

However, he just crossed the room and simply sat on the bed right by JD's feet. Perry opened his mouth, but then closed it and instead put his hand on JD's knee as a comforting gesture. JD was surprised, but didn't say anything. Instead, he attempted to relax and allowed a few tears to slip out. Perry didn't say anything, didn't look at him, just squeezed JD's knee a little to reassure the younger doctor.

After a few minutes, JD took a deep breath and nodded his head once. Perry released his knee and stood up. He didn't leave right away, or even begin to threaten JD about what would happen if anyone found out about this. He just looked at JD expectantly and waited.

Slowly, JD sat up. He felt better about his patient, but he felt like he still needed…something. However, he took Perry's look to mean it was time to return to work, so he stood and started walking towards the door.

A hand on his shoulder stopped him though. JD turned and realized Perry had moved to stand right behind him. Silently, Perry opened his arms and JD realized with a start that he was being offered that hug he had wanted for so long. JD took a step forward into his mentor's arms and felt Perry's arms close around his back. After about ten seconds (not that JD was counting, of course), Perry released him and took a step back. Meeting JD's eyes, he smiled slightly and nodded. Then, he stepped around JD and left the room.

JD stood in shock for a few minutes, wondering if he was dreaming, until his pager shook him out of his thoughts. Looking down, he recognized Perry's page number and read the simple message: _Come on JD._

Smiling slightly, JD left the room. He knew things would be the same as before his patient's death. He knew Carla, Turk, and Elliot would all want their turn trying to cheer him up, while Perry stood over on the side, rolling his eyes, and breaking it up by calling JD by a girl's name. He knew he would get too attached to his patients again, and Perry would once again remind him about how that wasn't a good thing to do. However, he now knew that somewhere deep down, Perry Cox cared about him…even if it was only a little bit.

He just knew.

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Let me know what you think.


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